I’m asking for a moment of grace. Would you allow me a moment of selfish, vulnerable confession? Thank you.

As we wrap up the last week of chemotherapy for Cooper, instead of it being a glorious march to victory it feels like a scratching, clawing, and crawling collapse 6 feet short of the finish line (for social distancing purposes).

Put all of the issues on the table – COVID-19, stay at home orders, canceled events and milestones, cancer treatments, church and city leadership, race issues, back to school issues – and that would be plenty for sure. But you want to know what was my breaking point this week?

This is embarrassing. Beyond embarrassing to completely humiliating what made me crack.

I was on a podcast with a friend, and he introduced the other guest.

Please welcome my friend who has planted 4 churches, written 6 books, hosts an incredible podcast, and has cured 13 diseases.

“And we also have Grant English….”

Wow. That…. was… really… short.

I had to write a bio for a conference I’m presenting at in August. (How vain is that? Writing your own bio?) I clicked around to get an idea of how I should write mine. Author, speaker, radio host, former Miss USA, former TV star, inventor, CEO, and inventor of the longer lasting light bulb.

Here’s what I wrote:

Grant English – He is not famous. He has written no books. He has a Twitter friendship with Beth Moore. That’s about it. Oh! He is a decent fisherman. Not a great one, but a pretty good one.

When did I get this vain, this insecure? Maybe I have always been this way, and the trauma of the last 3 months has exposed it. Maybe I am a huge disappointment to my family, my church, my city, and God. Maybe if I would just sit down and finally write the book that is in my head I’d have something in my bio instead of that long pause. Maybe I need to turn down these interviews and speaking opportunities, because there are more qualified people who could do them. Maybe I am in over my head. And it bothers me that this bothers me.

“Selah”

In the Psalms, that is a command for the reader to pause. To rest. To stay in this moment so that there is some space to hear from the Lord.

God speaks through the craziest of avenues. He is NEVER early. He pushes us beyond what we think we can take. He’s used prophets, priests, sinners, saints, dreams, visions, and a donkey. He can use thunder and lightening and the whisper of a breeze.

And in my case, he used a mayor and a police chief.

I was invited to a discussion on racism on 580 WIBW with Pastor TD Hicks, Mayor Michelle De La Isla, and Topeka Police Chief Bill Cochran last night. You can watch the video of the conversation below and/or listen live tomorrow at noon.

Yes, this was another instance where my introduction was incredibly shorter than everyone else’s. Yes, this was another blow to my already fragile ego.

After the recording was over, we were saying our goodbyes when the Chief said, “Grant, thank you. Thank you for being a bridge builder in our community. It’s making a difference.” The Mayor chimed in, “I know you think at times that what you are doing isn’t significant and isn’t enough. It is. Thank you for redemptively walking in these hard places.”

Bridge Builder.
Redemptively walking in hard places.

In the middle of my deepest pit of selfishness, God sends me a message through the mayor and the police chief? I will absolutely now seriously consider including these phrases in my bio, but I don’t think the message was just for me.

I think that was a message to us, the community that calls ourselves Western Hills Church.

Are you at the brink? Are you tired of waiting and listening? Are you over the edge already, being pushed there by something petty like the length of your bio? It is an awful place to be. It is hard. It is not for the weak of heart.

I don’t know why God chooses to wait for these moments. Maybe it is because He has our full attention, maybe it is because we are at the end of ourselves. Maybe it’s because we missed the thousand other messages he sent. But if you are in that space… let me be the voice for you.

You are God’s child.
You are a friend of Jesus.
You have been bought with a price and belong to God.
You have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.
You are redeemed and forgiven of all your sins.
You are free from all condemnation.
You are God’s workmanship.
You can approach God with freedom and confidence.
You are complete in Christ.

You have been made all things by Jesus to be a bridge builder and a redemptive force of good in our world.

Now… put that in your bio, because Jesus already has.