Amy and I had plans to share this information with so many of you face to face, but then the world changed on us. That is obviously no longer possible. So many of you who have been more than friends to us, just know that breaking this news this way was not our first choice.

Cooper, our 22-year old senior at KSU, got sick over Christmas break, and after initially responding to antibiotics, the cough came back. Cooper’s doctor in Manhattan started a series of tests and investigations. After multiple x-rays, CT scans, biopsies, visits to oncologists, and trips to KU Medical Center, we finally got clarity on what was going on, and it was news that no parent wants to hear about their kid.

Cooper has cancer. It’s never good to get this diagnosis, but to get it in the middle of what our world is going through has been quite the challenge. A challenge that in some parts we are thankful for, but more on that in a moment.

It’s not all bad news. This particular cancer has not formed into a tumor that needs to be surgically removed. His blood work and other labs look very, very good. Plus, this particular cancer is very sensitive to chemo-therapy with a 92% cure/remission rate.

Our lives will be a little different as we take extreme cautions to protect Cooper, as he will quickly become immuno-vulnerable. We will basically quarantine the house from visitors and limit our exposure to the outside world as much as possible. He will start chemo on March 30th which will consists of 4 rounds of treatment ending hopefully on June 1st. (Each round consists of 5 straight days of IV treatment (port), followed by a 2-week recovery period.) There will be the normal side effects of hair loss, nausea, etc. (So don’t freak out if you see me with a bald head through this process as well.)

Given all that we’ve walked through and what could have been diagnosed, we believe this is the best bad news we could have gotten. And once again, we can see God’s hand in the middle of this.

MINOR RABBIT TRAIL WARNING:
I want to be clear by what I mean when I say ‘I can see God’s hand in the middle of this.’ I do not mean that I believe God gave Cooper cancer. Far from it. Cancer sucks. It is evil. There is nothing good about cancer. I don’t believe that for one second. He didn’t give Cooper this to show off His power or to deepen Cooper’s faith.

Cooper got cancer because we live in a broken, messed up world of our own choosing. It’s sinful. It’s gross at times. We screwed it up since near the beginning, and stuff like cancer is some of the collateral damage.  God valued something else MORE than earthly safety and security. He wanted a free-will love relationship with his kids more than he did a world where he was in total control of every decision ever made. He made that call. It was only His call to make.

Philosophically, I get it. Practically right now, I struggle with that. But as I get older, I’m getting okay with this, particularly as I look at this through the lens of a dad.

I look at my kids and our relationships.  Would I rather have a loving, deep relationship with my kids that was genuine, authentic and deep in exchange for some temporary uncomfortableness and safety? Absolutely. And I say that knowing that my kids have made decisions that I would never have made.  Ever.  Some of them have been really stupid decisions.  Really stupid.  (Just had to get that little extra punch in there.)

But they have also chosen to love God. And love me. And Amy. And each other. Even when we disagree and get on each other’s nerves.  There is nothing they are ever going to do that is going to make me love them less.  Ever.  And there is no earthly measure that I know of that can quantify what all that means to me.

I’m guessing this is but a glimpse of how deep the Father loves us as well.

KINDA BACK ON TRACK

Just like a loving Father, we can see how He is working good in the middle of this chaos.  His presence brings a comfort and peace that I can’t put in words.  And because of His presence, we have much to be thankful for… There is much we are thankful for.

We are thankful for Cooper’s doctor who wouldn’t ‘let it go’ even after the inital reports said there was nothing to be concerned about.

We are thankful for our oncologist who got us in at KU Medical Center when nothing seemed clear.

We are thankful for the doctors and nurses at KU Med Center.

We are thankful for the timing of this, before he graduated and moved to Austin.

We are thankful he is going to get to finish his senior year online without the exposure to so many other people.

We are so thankful for our church family.  Western Hills Church…the staff, our elders, the people… good night.  What a family, what a blessing this church is to our family.

We will be keeping info of Cooper’s journey up to date over on my personal blog, and we’d invite you to follow along there if you’d like. In the meantime, pray for us as we pray for you.

We love you dearly.
Grant and Amy
Cooper, Camber, Cayden, and Chewie (the rat dog)

Week of March 23rd, 2020

Another week, another 238 changes. Right? I wanted to tell you some of the things we’re doing to stay connected through this crisis as well as answer some frequent questions we’ve been getting.

Keep Up To Date
We are updating Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and this website all the time. We use our weekly and all-church email lists, AND we will be adding either text communications/push notifications to your phones. The point is – we are trying to stay in touch, but if you hear of someone missing out – let us know. And let them know. Let’s close that communication gap!

Online Worship Services
Coming this Sunday, we will have a test-run of live streaming our worship services. Technically, it will not be live streaming but will give us the capability of watching the service we’ve already recorded together and chatting with each other while the service is going on. We will be offering THREE services – Sunday at 9 and 10:30 AM, and Sunday night at 5:00. The link for those services will be posted on our social media sites closer to Sunday. We will have the ability to take notes online, chat, and interact with a live prayer room. Don’t worry if you can’t make one of those times, you will still be able to view the service online just like always!

LEAD Night is coming back! Monday, March 30th, 6:30 pm
Set your calendar for Monday, March 30th at 6:30. If you want to attend LEAD Night LIVE that night, click here to register for the event. We’ve got room for a limited amount of people. If you can’t make it OR we run out of invites – DON’T PANIC! We are recording it and will post the video later that night.

Serve All Opportunities
Starting this week, Cullen will be updating us on how we can keep serving our community. This will include feeding kids through the school programs and making grocery store or pharmacy runs for folks who can’t get out. We’ve been compiling a list of folks who need help as well as those who have offered to give help.

Now let’s answer some questions….

What about Super Summer/Trash Mountain Honduras Trip?
The short answer is – we don’t know anything yet. Obviously our first priority is safety, and we will not compromise on that just for the sake of taking the trip. As soon as we know something definitive, we will pass on the information.

How can I get in a Connect Group?
The first step is to email Parker OR sign up online. We will do the rest. You’ll be getting an e-invite to check out a couple of different groups that are meeting online. I know it sounds weird, but it really isn’t. It does take a little getting used to, and once you learn to mute your microphone before yelling at your kids to quit playing with the water in the house, things work out fine.

I’m technologically challenged. I need some help.
Outstanding! We can offer help. Just email us. Or text us. Or send us some way to connect with you, and we will send help your way.

How’s the staff doing? Are we paying the staff?
The staff is good. Well, we are scrambling just like you are trying to figure out the new normal. And the church is paying the staff during this time. The Council made that a priority, and we do have some reserves to meet this need for a season. Having said that…

How can those of us who don’t give online continue to support the church financially?
You can give by texting GIVETOWHC to 73256 or send an electronic check through your bank. You can give online here. To give by cash or check, you can mail it to us (2900 SW Auburn Road, Topeka, KS 66614), or you can “Drive-Thru Tithe”. (Okay, that was a little corny.) We have a locked mailbox and a locked drop-off box right outside the door of the entrance near the office. So whether you mail your check or drop it off, it will be secure and we have people who check the mail and drop-off box weekly.

As always, we are praying with and for you. If you have a specific need, please reach out to us! Use Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, email, the website – just let us know!

Let’s go be the church,
Grant

Hello, Western Hills!

Can I tell you about my day yesterday?

9:00 AM
Emergency staff/pastors meeting. Closing the office and church for two weeks. Making sure we start leveraging technology with our Connect Group leaders – Zoom, Facebook live, FaceTime, etc. Start testing technologies on how to get interactive when we video our services later this week.

10:30 AM
Meet with Rick to talk about video options and live streaming. Discuss how we could help smaller churches video their services to get them online for them.

12:00 NOON
Cullen and I meet with clergy leaders and 501 School Superintendent Dr. Anderson. Look at ways to utilize the faith community to help feed kids in the school district on the free/reduced lunch program. 70% of kids in the system are on this program. 14,000 students in 501. Spirit of cooperation is incredible. Western Hills will be able to partner with Hope Street, Sheldon, and McCarter. Details will be coming.

1:30 PM
Fellowship Bible Church hosts pastors meeting. Close to 30 area pastors (with proper social distancing) meet to pray and encourage one another. Men, women, black, white, Hispanic, multiple denominations all praying for the city, talking through what we are learning and how we can help our city. Spirit of cooperation is awesome.

3:00 PM
Meeting dismisses. News hits about Governor’s executive order forbidding group meetings larger than 50 people for the next 8 weeks. Realization hits that most of the decisions we’ve made up to this point are rendered moot. We now have to rethink everything.

5:00 PM
Church Council Meeting. Prayer. Walk through decisions that need to be made over the next 8 weeks. Thinking through Connect Groups, worship, and all things. Incredible sense of unity and peace. No panic, just a desire to figure out how to do church and be the church in this new normal.

7:00 PM
Family dinner. Workout. Ice Cream. (Because you gotta have priorities.)
Realize that both college kids will finish the semester at home with online classes. Cooper will not walk for graduation, as commencement ceremonies were cancelled.

Here’s what we know and what we’ve decided… so far.

Due to the Executive Order of the Governor of Kansas, we will NOT meet in a large group setting of 50 or more until May 4th. This is a Monday night. Right now, we are planning to worship that night as a congregation in celebration, because who says you have to wait until Sunday? However, as we all have experienced this past week, this could change.

The CDC has suggested limiting groups to the size of 10 or less while maintaining at least a 6 foot distance between social interactions. Our suggestion is to honor this recommendation as well, which makes physically meeting in our Connect Groups ill-advised.

What this means is that we are going to have to reimagine how to be the church. And here’s what we are suggesting as we move forward.

Keep connecting with your Connect Group
We are currently training and equipping our CG Leaders on how to utilize some online tools to make this happen. As a staff team, we’ve been working with these tools, and they work. It feels like you’re in a room together. Check your email or reach out to your Connect Group leader. We are getting this in place for this week!

Join a Connect Group
What? Wait…how? If you’re not in a Connect Group, guess what you are probably going to need over the next 8 weeks? Community. Someone to pray and process with. Someone to laugh and play online board games with. We can still get you connected to a group VIRTUALLY. You can click here and we can get you started down this road.

Sign up for REALM and Right Now Media
REALM is our church database that allows us to communicate with you via email, discussion boards, and chat. This is another great tool for Connect Groups and Ministry Teams to stay connected. Email Jenny for an invitation to join Realm.

RightNow Media is an online resource of Christian training and Bible study materials, movies, and kids’ shows. Text RIGHTNOW WHC to 41411 to create your own Right Now Media account. Both services are completely free resources for you to utilize.

Online Giving
The Council has decided to continue to pay staff and support our missionaries through this crisis. We have some reserves to cover this. However, what we’d like to be able to do is increase our giving to our community through helping food banks and other local churches who may struggle through this time. Your continued generosity will allow us to be a blessing to our city.

If you are a regular at Western Hills Church, the easiest way is through Realm. If you don’t have a login, you can contact us. We’d be happy to help you get set up with Realm.

You can give via text. Text GIVETOWHC to 73256.  Standard text messaging rates apply.

You can login to ACS/Realm’s secure servers for a one time gift.

Online Worship & Trainings
We will continue to post services online WITH our worship team! It’s coming! And you will have the option to either watch just the message and Mission Moment OR the full-meal deal which includes worship through music. (I’d encourage you to take the full-meal deal.)

We are also going to try to do a LEAD night online. Some of our ministry teams are going to continue to meet online as well. We will be putting resources in your hands every day to help you lead worship in your living room, talk to your kids about what is going on, connect with others in the church, and point out some of our favorite RightNow Media studies.

Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram
Change is happening quickly, and we will communicate everything we are doing through these three social platforms as well as our webpage.

It’s a new day for us. Change is happening so fast. And what we see as obstacles now, may just be opportunities for us to do church differently. Take this time to look up and see your neighbors. Share resources like online messages and Right Now Media with them. Engage in some meaningful conversation with others about what this whole situation means eternally for them.

Wash your hands, then go wash some feet. Then wash your hands again!

WHC Family,

Our world has drastically changed this week due to the impact of the coronavirus. I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything like this, and figuring out how to navigate it has been one of the most challenging issues I’ve ever faced.

After careful consideration, speaking with both doctors and healthcare officials in our county, and being in discussion with several other churches in town, we have decided to follow the leadership of Shawnee County Health Department and cancel our weekend services for the next two weeks. This includes LEAD Night (Monday, March 16th) and Wednesday night activities for the next two weeks. This means we will not have Sunday services on March 15th or March 22nd but will resume on March 29th. It is possible that this time frame COULD change, and we will continue to monitor the situation and keep you informed along the way.

The Council and staff wrestled with this decision intensely, not wanting to give in to fear but to also be wise in regards to protecting those that may be most vulnerable to the virus. At the end of the day, we believe this is the wisest course of action. According to the CDC and Shawnee County Health Department, this two-week window is incredibly important to help prevent a potential rush on our healthcare system.

There is plenty of information on the CDC website (www.cdc.gov), but those over the age of 60, have respiratory issues, or have compromised immune systems (blood diseases, chemo/radiation treatment) are particularly at risk. A few other things the CDC is suggesting:

• Wash your hands frequently for 20 seconds or longer.
• Avoid touching your face with unwashed hands.
• Disinfect surfaces used regularly.
• Use hand sanitizer with 60% alcohol or higher.
• Avoid close contact with someone who is sick.
• Cover your mouth with corner of your elbow when coughing.

In the meantime, I’d encourage you to worship online with us at www.whillschurch.org. Parker Dane’s introduction to our new series on Colossians is already up and it’s so relevant for what we are facing in our culture right now. It’s the first message of this new series that we are going through with the RightNow Media study by Lou Giglio on Colossians.

I’d also encourage you to stay connected with your Connect Group (if you are healthy). I encourage you to worship together as a family. I encourage you to pray for our country and those working to end this pandemic.

I’d encourage you to spend some time in Psalm 91 this weekend. Here’s the start of the psalm:

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!”

3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night, Or of the arrow that flies by day.

Let’s all remember that the church is NOT a building that we meet in. The Church is the people of God on the mission of Jesus under the power of the Holy Spirit. Now more than ever we need to “be the church” to our neighbors.

Go be the church.

Grant English, on behalf of the Church Council and staff

The sun was breaking over the hill behind my dad’s light blue Chevy Silverado pickup. He had both hands on the wheel but he was leaning back and forth across the cab, searching every yard he passed. He was looking for me, and my ‘run away from home plan’ was only 7 minutes old but in complete disarray. I was hiding behind a row of hedges in front of my best friend Stacy’s house. It was those sticky bushes, and I was soaking wet because of the morning dew. I was still wearing my pajamas with no jacket or shoes.

My dad was driving too fast to see me, but at that point I had already made the decision. I was going back home. I figured my parents had to take me back, seeing how I was only 6. To this day, I have no idea what pushed me to that place, but I didn’t forget the lesson.

Running away from conflict only makes it worse.

This past Sunday, Amy and I walked through some of our best and worst moments around the table concerning conflict. If you haven’t checked it out, I really think it will be helpful to you. One topic that we did not get enough time to discuss is forgiveness. It will be impossible to build an intimate marriage (or any healthy relationship for that matter) without forgiveness.

In Matthew 18, Jesus tells one of the most disturbing parables in the New Testament. A servant owed 10,000 talents which was an absurd amount of money. One talent was 6,000 days’ wages, so his total debt was 600,000 days wages. The servant gets called in to the master, and after the threat of jail and selling his family as slaves, he begs for mercy. The master is so moved that he forgives the debt.

The servant goes out to a man that owed him 100 days wages. Or 60,000 times less than what he owed his master. The servant jails the man and demands full payment. Once the master finds out about this, the servant is brought before the master and is jailed and his family sold into slavery.

Jesus ends the story with these words – So my heavenly Father will also do to you, if you don’t each forgive your brother from your hearts for his misdeeds.

It’s hard to forgive, and some of us may even think it’s impossible. But it’s not. At it’s core, forgiveness is the release of a debt. It is when the one wounded or hurt says to the one who has wounded or hurt, I no longer expect or demand you to pay the cost of your sin to me.

It is NOT forgetting the sin. It’s not condoning or excusing it. It’s not overlooking it. Forgiveness does not remove consequences. Forgiveness is NOT reconciliation, but it opens the door for reconciliation to happen.

This last phrase is what I think is important for today. The Christ-follower can forgive radically, because he(she) has been radically forgiven. It releases us from having to bear that revenge. The Spirit can and will give us the grace we need to do this. And we must do this to open the door for restoration.

Restoration is another process. Restoration is the work necessary to make that forgiveness experiential. Restoration may require time to heal, time to prove trust. Restoration may need a process to intentionally and systematically rebuild the relationship. All of that is restoration – not forgiveness.

Forgiveness opens the door for all of that to take place. It doesn’t replace the work necessary to repair trust.

When there is conflict at the table, I’ve got to forgive – sometimes before it is even asked for – if restoration has any hope. Forgiveness can remove my bitterness in order to make restoration possible. Forgiveness can be a one-way street. Restoration is always a two-way street. In marriage, the goal is always restoration. In my other relationships, that may not always be possible. But in both situations, I can choose forgiveness because of how God forgave me.

My prayer for your table is that it is a place of forgiveness so that restoration can grow there.

This past Sunday was my favorite Sunday teaching. Ever. (You can see it for yourself here.) I had the honor to teach alongside Amy (my bride) on the topic of parenting. We allowed the opportunity for folks to ask questions during the message. I encourage you to listen to it for the full context, but let’s tackle a couple of questions that were asked here.

How do you confess to your kids that you made a mistake in your parenting without letting them see you truly have no idea what you’re doing?

One of the primary goals we have for our kids is to experience the unconditional love of Jesus, not to believe that we are the perfect parents. Therefore, we have made multiple trips to their room after the fireworks of an argument to apologize for HOW we handled a situation. It gave our kids an opportunity to give grace and forgiveness instead of just receiving it.

It doesn’t undermine your authority when you apologize for something you’ve done wrong – like losing your cool or overreacting. If anything, it increases your credibility by being transparent and authentic.  I apologize for HOW I handled this. I should not have lost my cool. Yes, you are still grounded.

We consistently remind our kids that this is first time we’ve parented in these waters.  It is like putting together an airplane while it is in the air.

How do you gauge your kids’ sincerity in their decisions versus just trying to please mom and dad?

I hope I understand the question correctly, but let’s start with what Amy said on Sunday: work backwards from the behavior to the heart. She does a great job unpacking that in greater detail, so I won’t repeat all of that here. I will say that I’m not sure how important ‘sincerity’ is in cases of obedience or wise decisions.  Here’s why…

Every decision has consequences. Some good, bad, ugly, indifferent, unintended – you get the idea. Some decisions I make are made because I don’t want to deal with the bad, ugly, unintended, not-so-good consequences. It’s not because I LOVE the decision or I sincerely WANT to make that decision.

If I like sleeping in so much that I sleep in all week and miss work or class, then that will have its own set of consequences. Get fired, fail assignments, no paycheck, don’t graduate, lose trust, etc.  So get up, shower, and grind out the day. Begrudgingly. Is that ‘insincere?’  Sure, but we could also call it MATURITY. Making the right, good decision and grinding through it is called adulting.  This is what we want our kids to learn, right?

When you have multiple kids and have to discipline them differently, how do you explain that to them?

We will parent you at the level of maturity you have displayed.

If a kid continuously lies, doesn’t own their junk, and has to learn things the hard way – we parent that child very differently than the one who is compliant and receives instruction willingly. It’s not about love.  It’s about what they have exhibited they need in order to learn how to be a better adult.  And all we have to base this decision on is their past behavior. That’s all we have to make decisions on – the character and pattern they’ve established.

The good news is they have control over that.  The bad news is it takes a long time to earn back the trust they’ve destroyed.  It’s possible, it’s just harder.

So when we get hit with the argument, ‘Why do you keep bringing up my past? Where is the forgiveness?’  The answer is, ‘You have been forgiven,’ but forgiveness is different than consequences.  And one of the consequences is that your behavior is tied to a heart issue, and your behavior is showing us that you still have this heart issue.  In short, YOU keep bringing up the past by your decisions and actions. When you prove that you’ve learned this lesson or can handle conflict maturely or not lie, then it won’t be brought up anymore.

This is one of those ‘hard decisions’ of parenting. Kids won’t understand or see in the moment why you’ve parented them differently. That takes some maturity which none of us had in that moment. All they see is that life isn’t fair and you didn’t treat them the same way you treated their sister. Amy and I always admitted that from the start: absolutely, we are parenting each of you differently because each of you behave differently. We told each of our kids – you have significant control over how we parent you based on how you handle hardship.

Along those same lines, trust is different than love. Love is unconditionally given. Love is never earned. There’s nothing they will ever do that will make us love them less. Trust? Completely different. Trust is earned. It can be destroyed. It can be built up. It always takes longer to build than to destroy. Trust is the difference between having an adult/mature relationship with your kids and having to treat them like 4-year olds.

What priority should biological kids be given in a divorced/step-family situation?

The marriage is the most important earthly relationship.

This does not mean you can’t be a great parent if you are a single parent. This does not mean you SHOULD get married if you have a kid out of wedlock. This does not mean you should get remarried if you are divorced.

What I am saying is – IF you get married, that relationship should have the number 1 earthly priority in your life. ABOVE your kids. Biological. Step. Foster. Adopted.

Doesn’t matter if it’s the first marriage or the second (or third). Marriage is where we make vows to another person. Marriage is the foundation of the family. Christian Marriage is supposed to give the world a glimpse of what unconditional love looks like and is to reflect Jesus’ relationship with the Church. Chances are great that our kids will one day be married, and they need to have a model of what LEAVE, CLEAVE, and BECOME ONE looks like (Gen 2:24). When the marriage is given first priority, it allows you to parent together.

I could go on, but the goal is to raise responsible, contributing adults. That means learning the world doesn’t revolve around them, the world doesn’t owe them anything. If the marriage is given first priority in a divorce situation, hopefully the outcome will be that the child gains a parent – not lose one.

Please join us for the next two weeks as well.  Amy and I will be talking about relationships and conflict resolution.  We’ll take a look at how marriage and any other great relationship requires work and intentionality.  Hope to see you there.

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
Jesus in Luke 6:45

I really misunderstood this verse in my early years of following Jesus. At first glance, it seems pretty straightforward. What we say and what we do is the result of the condition of our heart. And yes, this is exactly what Jesus meant. That’s not the part I misunderstood.

It was the application of the verse where it all fell apart.

Hear me out…

If I say bad things, do bad things (insert your list of favorite sins/bad things here – sex, drugs, rock and roll, gossip, greed, language, etc.), that is an indication that my heart isn’t where it should be. So far, so good.

The remedy of this situation is to be more disciplined in what I say, hear, watch, do, read, etc. So install filters on my devices, get an accountability partner who will ask me if I’m lying to him, listen to only Christian music, and the list of activities could go on and on.

This is exactly the place where I went off the rails with what Jesus was teaching. The solution to bad outflow is not to modify the behaviors but to change the source. Change the heart. Of course, I’m incapable of doing that. It’s not a matter of discipline. It is outside the realm of possibility for me to change my heart.

The Spirit of God is what changes our heart and renews our soul. Connecting with Him, yielding to Him. This is the only path to true heart change. How do I do that? By spending time in the Bible, worship, prayer, and those other things we call spiritual practices/disciplines.

But wait… aren’t I right back where I started? Aren’t I right back trying to be more disciplined in my activities, which really isn’t changing my heart?

Maybe. There’s a subtle but important distinction that we need to make. Allow me to make the point using another relationship example.

There was a young man who was smitten by a beautiful young woman on the college’s volleyball team. How could he get close to this woman? How could pursue her at all?

The team was always in search of students who would call lines and shag volleyballs for the women during warmups. In a stroke of brilliance (or desperation), he volunteered to do both. The only real flaw in his plan was that he knew absolutely nothing about volleyball.

Nada.
Zip.
Zilch.

How in the world did he have a chance with this woman if he knew nothing about the sport that was so dear to her? In the days before Google??

He went to this gigantic building on campus called the library. He interviewed players and coaches. He did the work and research. Then he volunteered to call lines and help out during warm-ups.

Because he loved volleyball? No, that came later. Because he was trying to connect with this girl. He did those things with the intention of getting close to that girl. Turns out, he was really good at calling lines and being an official. But that’s not why he did all those things.

And then she crushed his heart into pieces.

BUT that ended up being the best thing ever, because the next season, Amy joined the team.

What I’m trying to say is this – when we engage in spiritual practices, we must invite the Spirit to that place. We must engage in these practices not for the purpose of changing our behavior but to expose our heart to God. The point of the practices is to get transparent with the Lord, not become more disciplined, more insightful, or more moral.

If the end goal of all your religious activity is to be better at religious activity, then you will one day wake up with a cold, brittle, dry, hardened heart. The point of opening God’s word is to engage with the Spirit. Argue with him. Plead with him. Fight with him. It is to give Him unfettered access to our hearts so He can begin the slow process of transformation inside us.

Yes, I still read my Bible every day. I pray… every day. Some days it is out of sheer discipline and routine. I admit that. It’s a lot like going to the gym every day. Some days it’s just get on the bike and grind out your 30 minutes. I confess that I have those kinds of days.

But I have other days where the Lord ambushes my routine. He invades my routine, and I am overwhelmed in those moments. Sometimes He delivers a swift kick in the rear end. Others, it’s a great big hug and a whisper to my heart to remind me of what He paid to be my Savior.

This is why I keep going to back to the Scriptures and prayer. For those places are where I find connection and transformation. They happen at the craziest of times and locations, but this is the WHY of my activity.

Not to be smarter. Or more moral. Or more intelligent. Or more prepared to teach. Those things are so insignificant and unimportant when compared to the Spirit changing my heart to look more like Jesus.

And that’s what I think Jesus was trying to say.

We’ve got a dining room in our house that I seriously wonder why in the world we even have. We use it maybe twice a year: Thanksgiving and Christmas. Life in the English family centers around the kitchen table. (Technically, it’s an island.)

It’s where mail is dropped off, backpacks are left, coffee mugs are forgotten, keys are thrown, and meals are prepped. It’s where late night conversations about school, friends, parenting, dating, marriage, and work all take place. It’s witnessed the struggle with geometry, boys, parenting, and family. It has survived the crayon years, the water paint years, and the marker years. It’s been used to dodge nerf darts, and it has served as a support to lean on when the tears flown.

The table is a place for real talk in our house. It’s where we navigated everything from the terrible twos to middle school drama, the high school disappointments and college transfers. The table is where hard truth and deep love is spoken.

The table is where we do life. It’s where we figured out how to live out our faith. Together.

I’m not saying the table is always a comfortable place to be. It can be full of arguing and fighting as well. It’s a place to figure out life, and life has some hard chapters in it. The table is not immune to that, and I think that’s why I love it.

Everyone needs a table like this, but not everyone gets one. So allow me to invite you to The Table for the next 6 weeks. This series is about how to live out our faith in various life stages – from grandparenting to parenting, from single to married and back to single again. For all of these phases of life, come sit at the table while we unpack Biblical principles to navigate them.

I can make you a couple of promises. You’ll hear other family’s ‘Table Moments’ that helped them figure it out. There will be plenty of stories to make you laugh and a few that will force some tears. You’ll hear how no matter where you are in your journey, there’s nothing beyond the redemption and reach of Jesus.

And I promise you, there will be plenty of room for you and your questions at The Table.

If you haven’t listened to the message from Sunday, this might be a good time to check it out. The Question this week was, Is God In Control?

I said this in the message on Sunday, and it bears repeating. If you are looking for quick, simple answers, then you’re going to have to search elsewhere. The world we live in is much too complicated and too deeply broken for simple, pithy answers. Besides that, we should want more out of our faith than just sweet, unexamined sentiment. We should also want more out of our faith than neat theological boxes that have no tension in them.

That’s precisely the dilemma with this question. One of those neat theological boxes is the answer that God is in control of everything. This answer implies more than just saying everything goes through His hands. It’s saying everything comes FROM His hands.

This is a significant step to take. I understand why some people take it. To some, it is disconcerting to think that God doesn’t control every aspect of life, or perhaps more specifically that He controls “my life.” In their minds, the concept of God allowing things to happen that are evil or bad, or even things that He doesn’t want or like, compromises the sovereignty of God. Somehow in this construction, God is less than God if He doesn’t have total and complete control.

The problem with this concept is that God doesn’t present Himself to us this way. He doesn’t define His own sovereignty by control. From the beginning of the story, God limits Himself. He exercises restraint. The Infinite chooses to limit Himself to thoughts, words, and worlds. He creates time and space, then He chooses to put a free will creature in that space to relate to in that space and time. He chooses to create a world in which CONTROL is secondary to RELATIONSHIP.

Here’s the lynchpin in this – He chooses this. It wasn’t forced on Him. It didn’t surprise Him. It was self-imposed. He chooses relationship over control from the beginning to the end of the story.

Does this call into question His power or sovereignty?

I don’t think so. He consistently shows us that His definition of power is different than ours. He doesn’t grab control. He manifests love. That is who God is at His core – love. God is love. He HAS power, but He IS love.

So is God in control? He’s in as much control as He has chosen to be. He’s as in control as much as He wants to be. Is that a cop out of an answer? Perhaps. But I’d also argue that He will exercise “control” as much as it doesn’t compromise love and relationship. For Him, power is measured by sacrifice, not manipulation or control.

This was Jesus’ point to His disciples – don’t lead like the Gentiles lead. Don’t lord authority over others but instead serve all. Where we would grab power, Jesus grabs the towel. Where we would want control, Jesus takes the cross.

Therein lies the tension. God does not seem to have the need for control that we so desperately want Him to have. We want Him to stop the fires, heal the sick, prevent the disaster. From our perspective, His interventions are haphazard at best. Part of this is because we are in the dark as we look through the lens. We are finite trying to understand the infinite.

But part of it is also that God doesn’t play by our rules or expectations. I could put flowery words to this – God’s ways are not our ways, He works in mysterious ways – but these explanations often miss the grander point. As in, God has consistently shown in Scripture that He is perfectly pleased with working with the free will of man.

He wrestles with Isaac. He argues with Moses. He speaks with Noah. He chastises the kings. He encourages the prophets. His son cries in the garden.

Does this make life more complicated, nuanced, difficult? Absolutely. It also makes it more meaningful. It means that God will never compromise Himself. He will never compromise love. It means “control” has never been the most important value to Him.

His mission was not to control the world. His mission was to love the world. Can’t have it both ways. He has made it His mission to make a people that will freely worship Him. A people that would freely stand and say, “You are my God, and we are your people.” A people with a changed heart, not a programmed response.

Neither am I saying that God sits in heaven wringing His hands waiting on the response of humanity. God is not hostage to the decisions of man. That would be the other extreme, neat box that I’m trying to avoid as well.

What I really wish is there was some neat way to end this conversation, but alas – that is not to be found. I believe in the goodness of God, that He is working all things out for good. Not that all things ARE good. He didn’t cocoon Himself to that kind of life, why would we think we would be exempt from hardship? I see the cross as the worst that the world, humanity, and the devil could throw at God. The empty tomb as Christ victorious over all. His promise that one day He will return and have control.

But for now, we live in that tension. By faith. So help me, God.