I attended our two-state denomination convention this week. It’s a great time for me to catch up with other pastors and leaders. I get to hear some pretty incredible God-stories as well as some incredible teaching from leaders across Kansas and Nebraska. I enjoy it… for the most part.

Every now and then…and this year was one of those times…I find myself having the most unhealthy conversations with myself.

That guy is an incredible communicator. How can I be more like him?
Why isn’t my church growing as fast as that guy’s church?
Do I still have what it takes to do this?

Insecurity.

Real insecurity, not the fake stuff.

Fake insecurity disguises itself as false humility and encourages laziness. The guy (or gal) that goes on and on about their weaknesses and shortcomings while never doing anything about them is both self-absorbed and lazy. People who travel in these waters aren’t really dealing with insecurity. They are dealing with arrogance.

Real insecurity happens to those of us who are always looking to improve, to change, to get better. Those that want to be more effective in walking in their faith. We are constantly looking for things to tweak and change and improve. I know how frustrating I can be to work with because I’m wired this way.

Those kind of people deal with real insecurity. It’s silent. It’s stealthy. It drives us to at times do some really bizarre things…like think that we all should be gifted the same way and do ministry the same way.

Then one of the speakers told us to turn to Joshua 1. Moses is dead. Joshua is the next man up. God tells him to be bold and courageous. Because he was insecure? Maybe. But I was reminded that Joshua was always kinda bold and courageous. He was one of the spies who said to take the land when the majority said no. He walked with Moses up Mt. Sinai. He was with Moses in the Tabernacle.

It could have been as simple as God saying to him – “I’ve already put this boldness and courage in you. Let’s you and me walk it out together.” A subtle way of saying – ‘You don’t have to do this like Moses did.’

That’s the real crime of insecurity. It steals who we are supposed to be. We put on the mask and task of someone else and in so doing we put down what God has already created for us.

What a great reminder these last two days.